The Generational Loop Of Blame

Every generation blames the one before. And all of their frustrations, come beating on your door.

The Living Years by Mike + The Mechanics

Anyone remember this song? It's an 80's gem and it's one of those Cats in the Cradle type songs about a stilted relationship between father and son. The kind of song that randomly pops onto the radio and instantly dusts off old emotions, placing you square in your blubbery feelings while barrelling down a highway in a car filled with your entire family. A scenario that has definitely never happened to me, of course.

Like the song describes, I see generational discord and misunderstanding all the time and in many different ways. It's a topic that comes up a lot. Usually in a complaining type manner. You may have noticed this too. I think once we get to a certain age we all find ourselves participating in this kind of old-timer grumbling. But as the years pass, I've found the topic more interesting than anything else.

My father-in-law likes to tell a story about the time he went to a big church conference for youth workers as a teenager. It was in the 70's when it was popular for men to have long hair and he followed this trend. While at the conference, the preacher berated the audience angrily about men with long-hair being unchristian and influenced by the devil. In the middle of this message my father-in-law watched as a fellow longer-haired man stood up to leave, only to have the preacher stop his sermon and shout at the man to sit down. He obeyed.

When Boomers were teens my grandparents generation called them "dirty hippies". They were perceived as slackers who only valued frivolous experiences and had never endured a hard days work in their lives. Which sounds a lot like the kinds of things I hear said by my Millennial peers about Gen Z. It's also been the same rock thrown at Millennials from our Boomer parents.

It's a tale as old as time. We love to blame the generations we aren't apart for every societal issue we face in the moment. I guess it's a weird right of passage. And it feels extra prevalent right now. Because this is an issue that affects us all. Especially in our families, our jobs and even the church. With so much cultural shift and technological progression, we have different generations inter-mingling with each other on mass. Making the mounting frustrations more prominent than ever.

But I'd like to call a cease-fire on this generational blame battle.

I'm mainly speaking to Christians, because we're supposed to model a different way. And the Bible has helpful wisdom on this very issue that we could really use right now. Which means, if we want to see spiritual flourishing happen within the whole body of Christ we must open the Scriptures to reverse the negative ways this is affecting the church.

Before I get into it, here are the generation names that I've already used and will continue to use in this post. Some lists vary the dates a little, but this is just to give some clarity as we continue.

• The Greatest Generation – born 1901 - 1927.

• The Silent Generation – born 1928 - 1945.

• The Baby Boomer Generation – born 1946 - 1964.

• Generation X – born 1965 - 1979.

• Millennials – born 1980 - 1995. (Me!)

• Generation Z – born 1996 - 2010.

• Gen Alpha – born 2011 - 2025

As you can see the most prominent generations of adults that are working together and engaging in larger societal conversations are Baby Boomers, Gen X's, Millennials and Gen Z's. Which is proving to be an explosive combination. Mainly because these ages span across perhaps the most technologically advancing years of all time. The world Gen Z grew up in is radically different than the world Boomers grew up in. Which no one can be blamed for. None of us chose what age to be born in. But this generational disconnect is bound to cause friction when cultural conversations are had.

So what does this mean for the church?

I think it mean's a lot of things. Because each generation comes with strengths and weakness's and I think it's important to know what those are when discipleship is happening. For example, Boomers are known for having excellent work-ethic and a propensity to innovate. They are also the generation with the largest amount of divorce and family tumult ever recorded. Gen X is known for being well-educated and strong leaders. Yet they tend to buck against authorities holding them accountable. Millenials are known for being collaborative and they seek to find meaning in work and life. Yet their sense of entitlement can make them challenging to work with. Gen Z's are known for valuing diversity and justice as well as embracing the outsider. However anxiety and depression is reeking havoc on their mental health, making them risk-averse in life.

These are, of course, a very brief and general look at each generation. And there are many cultural reasons for why each generation is the way they are. Much more analysis has been done in regards to each generations strengths and weaknesses which can be easily found with a google search. But what is most important for this conversation are the gifts that each generation provides the church. And in order to actually see those gifts we have to relent our constant complaining about the weaknesses.

In fact we must fan into flame the gifts that are in them. In all of them. Even the generation you may currently be irritated with. Which requires much more encouragement and much less criticism.

Instead, what I see happening, is a reticence to embrace any good, because there is such an intense hatred for the bad. Frustrated Millennials and Gen Z's are bitter about the emotional disfunction they inherited being raised by Boomers and Gen Xer's. In the same way, Boomers and Gen Xer's are resentful toward their Millennial and Gen Z kids and employee's for being unprofessional or self-indulgent. And these problems come when we can't rise above the blame-game. Although no one is above critique (which I will get to), there must firstly be a sense of respect - rooted in relationship - that goes from older to younger and vice versa.

Older people don't get to just despise the youth. It's our job to love and encourage and train young ones to live well. 1 Timothy 4:12 is both an admonishment to the old and the young.

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Paul was encouraging his younger brother in the faith when he wrote letters to Timothy. And his example of mentorship is deeply important when it comes to this subject. In this same letter, he also teaches that younger folks must show respect to those who are older. Instead of rebuking, they should persuade them with good speech and conduct. 1 Timothy 5:1-3,

Never speak harshly to an older man, but appeal to him respectfully as you would to your own father.

If I'm being honest, I think each generation, across the board, are terrible at heeding this call from Paul. As a pretty close to middle-aged person, I feel this tension on both sides. I'm older than a lot of people and I find it remarkably easy to cast stones toward those younger than me. I see where they lack wisdom or good judgement and all I want to do is yell at them to grow-up. In the same way I can easily rage against older folks for all the wounds and trouble they've passed down and never taken responsibility for. And although my complaints may be true, both of those reactions lack humility. And neither will bring actual change.

Casting stones and rage solves nothing.

Our souls need an overhaul in the direction of self-abnegation.

My husband was chatting to a neighborhood grandma the other day and she was grumbling to him about how she doesn't like that her church is changing. What is the unwanted change? There are too many young children, and the church is catering to their needs too much. Sure, there is still a thriving seniors ministry but it isn't enough for her. She had no impulse to rejoice over the children and maybe even serve the young families. She could only complain.

And this is exactly what I'm talking about. How sad it would be to get to your twilight years - close to meeting your Saviour after a life spent with Him - and end up bitterly refusing to rejoice over younger generations entering the body of Christ.

This is a problem of the soul. And we all have it in us.

I believe when we let generational divide grow deeper and wider this kind of relational negativity leaves so much room for the devil to play. The disunity gets stronger and more painful with every year that passes. Then we entrench ourselves with an attitude of what-about-me or I-know-better-than-you; dissolving all desire to love and serve. Evil rejoices and we get grumpy. We are in a spiritual battle, but we can't fight what we don't acknowledge. Now is not the time to dig our heels in. Doing so will sacrifice the beauty of the church on the alter of being "right".

One of the things that makes the church beautiful is our intergenerational love. When you come to Christ you don't just gain Christ, but His whole family. You get brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and grandmas and grandpas. We get a rich tapestry of life experience, Biblical knowledge and youthful enthusiasm. Diverse and precious gifts. And the best way to enjoy it all is to embrace it's unique charm with open arms.

But how do we begin to experience this blessed intergenerational family?

Let me make an appeal first to those who are older. Which includes me! I believe healing this generational divide starts with us. In the same way that when I feel a divide happening in my relationship with one of my kids, I know it is my responsibility to work at fixing the problem. I'm the adult. I'm the older one who is supposed to have more foresight and understanding. Which means I'm the one that needs to model humility and forgiveness and reconciliation. And I hope to keep that mindset with my kids into their adulthood. Because that's our job as elders.

We must be the example.

You may be wondering though, what do we do when we have legitimate concerns about the young people in our lives? I believe we ought to nurture love and trust into those relationships. We earn a voice in their life by simply caring for them first. We must take interest in them, listen and encourage them in the areas that deserve it. When you choose not to look down on them, you might be surprised at how quickly they desire your wisdom when the time comes. If the relationship is strong, there will be plenty of opportunity to express concern and share advice.

But here's the thing, when you have beef with the generation below you, that's an indictment on the generation that raised them. Which is probably your own generation. So let's choose humility. It makes no logical sense to hate the generation we had a hand in raising. Even if we feel we did a much better job than everyone around us, it still does no good to act bitterly against them.

Do all things without grumbling or disputing; so that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain.

Philippians 2:14-16

You may feel like you have nothing to prove to a wayward generation. You may feel like it's not your job to engage them in their rebellion. But isn't that what God did for us with His son Jesus? Did He not enter a sinful world that called to crucify Him? God has never given us permission to grumble, dispute and hate. And if we can't engage and love sinners, we can't be like Christ.

The reality is that there is a time for all things. Even critique. No generation is perfect and the point of this article is not to say we should never talk about it. At some point we must! Being like Christ also means engaging sin. Because in order to break generational sins and mistakes, we must notice them, call them to account and then work to not repeat them. We also must warn each other when bad idea's are infiltrating our loved ones lives. And so we must do this with truth and love and within healthy relationship.

To the older folks, ask yourself a question: Do the young to mid-aged adults in my life seem to enjoy my presence and seek wisdom from me for their life? If the answer is no, maybe its because you grumble and verbally look down on their generation so often that they're fearful to engage your opinion about anything. It's possible you give off the impression that you think they're stupid and you don't care about the unique challenges they are facing.

To the younger folks, ask yourself a question: Are you teachable when in the presence of someone older than you and do you treat them with respect? If the answer is no, perhaps your harsh words are keeping you from valuable wisdom that can only come from someone whose gone before you. It's possible you give off the impression that you know everything, even though your life and actions shout something different.

My goal here is to encourage us to do some self-examination first. With the generation gap we now have, how well are you handling these divides? Are you modelling humility or is it more like condemnation? Has your concern turned to disdain or bitterness? Are you upchucking your contempt online or to whomever your with? Do you listen or do you argue? Get real with yourself for a minute.

The generational loop of blame must stop first with the church. We've got to stop playing these worldly games and start closing the gap between us. There is no such thing as the perfect generation. There are no "glory days". There has never been a best time in history. Sin has been present in every person, besides Christ, since that first fruit was eaten in the garden. Let's never pretend we are above anyone else. We cannot let our generational sins and frustrations beat down the doors of the church.

We need each other too much for that.

Loving intergenerational churches are a picture of the gospel. When older saints are self-sacrificing in their work to mentor and care for younger saints, we become like a never-ending river of faith. Teachings of Christ get carried on from one to the next, on and on, rippling and flowing down stream through generation after generation, until Christ returns. But when that love swings to bitter blame, we dam-up that river and cut off spiritual movement. Let it not be so.

Instead, may this be the testimony of the church...

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

Psalm 145:2-7

May we end the generational loop of blame.

May we commend the works of the Lord to each other, and to every generation, like a mighty unstoppable river of faith.

And may we celebrate His goodness together, in unison and for all time. Amen.

Jessica is married to, Central's Family Equipping Pastor, Chris Ross, and they have two children together. She loves writing about scripture and Christian culture and desires to teach others to live in the way of Christ.

You can find more of her writings on her website - HERE