If you grew up in the early 90’s, the popular song by Salt-N-Peppa, "Let’s Talk About Sex”, is most likely going through your head as you read this. This song, blasted from the radio by the kids in the neighbourhood, was one of the ways I heard about “sex” long before I really knew what it even was.
Over the last six months, I have talked to many parents and friends, read multiple articles and listened to vlogs and podcasts, only to hear that many of us never heard "the talk” as children. I was one of those kids. This is what the author of “Mom, Dad... What’s Sex?” has to say about this:
“Not to talk to our children about sex as they grow up in a hyper-sexual culture is like launching them, with no preparation, into a “Choose Your Own Adventure” story that is unlikely to have a happy ending. This isn’t a guilt trip for parents, but a reminder of how much our children need us to communicate, influence, answer questions and listen when it comes to sex. Talking to our children about sex is loving not only because it is needed but also because it is a marvellous opportunity to teach them about themselves, God, and the world God made.”
As believers, it is important to teach our kids with Biblical truth, rather than simply allowing culture to shape them. Last Christmas, Old Navy came out with its first two- dad family advertisement and this Christmas, Hallmark launched its first same sex couple story. While searching up a cookie recipe last week, a couple demonstrated an intimate position with an ad for Viagra in the middle of the article. With schools across North America feeling the pressure to teach sex-ed younger and younger, electronics in our children’s hands as soon they can hold them and streaming service content getting more inappropriate every season, ultimately, we as Christians and as parents want to set the terms on what healthy sexuality looks like and do so according to Scripture.
You may think, because your child isn’t allowed devices, isn’t on social media, goes to a Christian school or is home schooled, that they would never look if they somehow stumbled upon pornography or that they aren’t exposed to anything sexual. As parents we can be naive. “7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality” says that kids as young as six are coming home from the playground or school asking about oral sex.
“Sexualized media is everywhere. It is difficult to take a trip to the mall or the grocery store without sexual messages slapping our children across the face. What was once considered indecent is now on the front page of every magazine or brazenly displayed in shopping mall windows. And in a modern world of high speed Internet connections and wi-fi, the question is no longer if your child will see porn someday the question is when. With the world screaming sexual messages at children, the last thing they need is their parents’ silence.”
I’m not trying to shock you, but as a parent of four children and a Children’s Pastor, I’m acutely aware of what is out there, and I am passionate for kids to hear about sex first from their parents, using the incredible resource that God has given us-the Bible. You may feel ill-equipped and have no idea where to start. I want to encourage you to start at the beginning, in Genesis!
Gen.1:27-28, So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it...
Gen. 2:24-25, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and not ashamed.
God created sex! It is a beautiful gift to us when unified in the way God intended it for.
Even with the Bible in our hands, talking about sex is awkward and can feel overwhelming. I have listed numerous Biblical resources at the end of this article that can help you teach your child about Biblical sexual values using age appropriate content. I want to caution you that these books are meant to be previewed by parents first so they can decide what their child is ready to learn. I want to encourage you that even if your child sheds a few tears of embarrassment or gets upset with you, to continue to persevere another day.
You may be thinking, my child is already in middle school, it’s too late! Even if your child is already in their teenage years, don’t put this off. They may have already been exposed in some way and though it may be the most embarrassing conversation ever, they need to talk about their feelings. What they have seen or even what they have done, they need to talk it through with a loving parent who understands the grace God has extended to all of us.
Salt-N-Peppa’s lyrics ring uncomfortably true,
“Lets talk about sex for now
To the people at home or in the crowd
it keeps coming up anyhow
Don’t be coy, avoid or make void the topic
Cuz that ain’t gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows many will know anything goes”
Parents, we can’t avoid putting off talking about this incredible gift that God created! If we don’t talk about it, someone or something else will. Let’s be the leaders in a world that will gladly lead the way if we don’t. Cuz it keeps coming up and it ain’t gonna stop.
RESOURCES
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The Story of Me (ages 3-5)
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Before I Was Born (ages 5-8)
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God Made All of Me (elementary aged)
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The Talk: 7 Lessons To Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality (age 6-10)
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The Talk: Relationships 11 Lessons To Give Kids A Greater understanding of Biblical Sexuality (age 11+)
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The Talk by Focus on the Family (a free printable resource from their website for ages 10-18)
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Mom, Dad...What’s Sex? (A resource for parents)
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Good Pictures, Bad Pictures (an informative and useful secular resource on pornography)
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How to Talk To Your Children About Homosexuality by Focus on the Family (a free printable resource guide for parents)
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Center for Parent/Youth Understanding (a website for parents of youth age children)